Some funny jokes...

**Doodles** · #1 (**permalink**) 03-03-2007, 04:47 AM

1st joke
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband"
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

2nd joke
Little Johnny was seven years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did, and the following morning Johnny described everything to his mother.
Sis and her boyfriend sat down and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to kiss and hug her. I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must of thought so too because he put his hand inside her shirt to feel her heart, just like a doctor would. Except he's not as good as a doctor, because he seemed to have an awful hard time finding her heart.
He was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt to warm up. About this time, sis got toward the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I know it was a fever because sis told him she was really HOT.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick... a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there about 9 inches long. Honest! anyway, he grabbed it in one hand and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!
Anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting his head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go..I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eels head to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissors lock on it. And he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough they had killed the eel.. I knew it was dead because it hung there limp and some of its guts were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were tired from the battle, but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats... they have nine lives or something.
This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was really dead this time because I saw Sis boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet.
Mother fainted.

3nd joke
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
Ans: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

HAHAHA it is funny eh?