New Employment Rules

[JACOAUEV11]

Subject: FW: NEW EMPLOYMENT RULES



NEW EMPLOYMENT RULES
>
> SICK DAYS
>
> We will no longer accept a doctor's sick note as proof of sickness.
>If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
>
> SURGERY
>
> Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
>will need all your organs. You should not consider having anything
>removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a
>breach of your employment contract.
>
> HOLIDAYS
>
> Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They will be called
>Saturday and Sunday.
>
> BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
>
> This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
>dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have
>non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where
>employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for
>the late afternoon.
>
> We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and
>subsequently leave one hour early, provided your days' tasks are
>completed.
>
> ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH
>
> This will be accepted as a reasonable excuse for absence. However, we
>require at least two weeks notice as you are required to train your
>replacement.
>
> TOILET BREAK
>
> Too much core working time is being spent in the toilets. In the
>future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
>
>
>For instance: All employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from
>8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8.20 to
>8.40 and so on.
>
> If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to
>wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme
>emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both
>workers and supervisors must approve this in writing.
>
> In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets.
>At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will
>retract, and the door will open.
>
> LUNCH BREAK
>
> Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they
>can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to
>maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch
>because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim fast and take a diet pill.
>
> DRESS CODE
>
> It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
>If we see you wearing fancy trainers or designer clothing we will
>obviously assume that you do not need a pay rise.
>
>
> Thank you for your loyalty to the organization. We are here to provide
>a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
>concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations,
>insinuations, allegations, accusations,contemplations, consternations
>or input should be directed elsewhere.

[Aeris]

Nooo, the American dream is to do a half-@$$ job!!

[evalala]

the 104 holidays was funny. made me laugh.

[~Blaze~]

[quote]
> In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets.
>At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will
>retract, and the door will open.
[/quote
AHHAHhAHAHA!!

read this countless times, but its always great to read again xDD

[d0rko]

LOL im looking forward to work now. thanks

[happyAutumm]

hahaha... the company is real good....

good at using people... pay an amount of price and use the people to work like hell for them....

i hope that i wun get this kind of company to work for when i graduate next year... hehehe...

[teddybear67]

WTF! its sooo funny!
> SURGERY
>
> Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
>will need all your organs. You should not consider having anything
>removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a
>breach of your employment contract.
thats my favourite part!

[asdfghjkl]

haha extremely tight working conditions...

[teddybear67]

I wonder if any company has these kind of rules...xD