Protective younger brother?

**xiayi_52** · #1 (**permalink**) 31-08-2007, 05:44 AM

Hi everyone. Sorry to post in here, but my friends have all heard this enough, I think. I have a brother who is about 5 years younger than I am and we're actually on opposite sides of the world right now, so that's good (in a way). I'm almost 30 years old and I've never been able to really date because my younger brother is very protective of me.

He's not very intimidating; he's actually very sweet, but he's a bit well-known so it's easy for men to feel intimidated by him... and especially because we're so close, I guess men feel even more intimidated?

I guess I'm just not sure how to work all this out. I've already talked with my brother about it, but his friends all "look out for me" too. I'm a bit worried that they'll never agree on a man who's "worthy" enough for me, considering they've already said they'll take care of me... and sometimes it feels like I have a few boyfriends, which is strange.

Any suggestions?

**redplanet** · #2 (**permalink**) 31-08-2007, 06:33 AM

hey xiayi, as one of the oldest person on this forum, i guess i should try and help u out.

considering what they say about women and 30 yrs old, i think u r getting worried about being single all ur life? it is good that ur bros and his frds r looking out for u though, but they should do it after u get involved with that person (considering u haven't already fallen all over that guy and is able to pull urself out if needed).

**Kwan-Yi** · #3 (**permalink**) 03-09-2007, 07:27 PM

hmm.. you should be glad to a certain extent that you have a caring brother.. but at the same time he should try to understand that what he is doing is not going to get you anywhere in your life.. if talking to him is not going to work, then you might need to take action.. like ignore him or something :S

**asdfghjkl** · #4 (**permalink**) 03-09-2007, 07:50 PM

I think talking it through with him would be the best, you don't want feelings to be hurt later on right. Must as well face the truth and tell him how u are feeling atm.

**Kwan-Yi** · #5 (**permalink**) 03-09-2007, 08:08 PM

that is an idea.. but if that message is not gettin through to him then what other solution have you got.. im pretty sure she has done that otherwise she wouldnt be posting here..

**sillisha** · #6 (**permalink**) 04-09-2007, 01:44 AM

Well what ype of guys do you usually go for? Are they inappropriate guys or the player type? Maybe your brother knows something about them that you don't. You could ask him why he feels the guys are unworthy.

**xiayi_52** · #7 (**permalink**) 04-09-2007, 02:46 AM

First of all, thank you all for your comments. My brother and his friends are all single, as well, so I think that contributes to their protective feelings towards me. I sometimes feel as though if he were involved with someone, he'd give me some room to have a relationship (but that goes back to his job, and he's actually not 'allowed' to be involved).

No one whom I've been interested in has been someone they've necessarily disapproved of; rather, they just feel that I don't need to settle for someone who may hurt me, betray me...etc, when I can already trust all of them and have the guarantee that they'll never betray me. It's a bit strange, the situation I'm in.

However, I'll take the advice in all the comments here and continue to try and talk to him. I'm thinking that I may need to first have my potential love interest casually become friends with my brother and his group of friends prior to getting into a relationship with him. That way, he'd already be "accepted" by them... and hopefully starting a serious relationship wouldn't be a problem thereafter. Then again, considering I'm on the other side of the world right now as my brother, that may prove difficult, but it's a thought.

**chunkie munkie** · #8 (**permalink**) 02-10-2007, 03:19 PM

I believe that I am the oldest member of this site and I do have a younger brother that is of the same age gap. We're extremely close, and he is also protective like your own brother is for you. However, your brother needs to remember that you are OLDER than he is. You should be more wiser and what not. Not to say that you should be brighter or anything of the means, but that he should respect you and understand that you can make the right choices for everything including a bf.

I'm glad him and his posse have decided to look out for your every potential bf, but he has to understand that he's seeing the guy from his perspective and not yours. You have to ask him to trust your judgment. You will need to tell him that if the guy(s) don't work out, then that is your own fault. And there will be many times that you make a mistake in choosing someone. It happens.

Tell your brother to calm the "B/C I look like an older brother I'm going to act like one" personality. =) You're the older sister, you should be watching out for him... =D